ThereNback-Noregrets

2008-01-30T12:28:00.000+08:00

PAthos over !!
Yeah!!

2008-01-19T13:52:00.000+08:00

1 week to pros and then elective will start.
My oh my... pathology really makes me pathological...
And i need to plan my electives in a more detailed fashion so that it wil be a fruitful experience... but first i need to get the air tickets lol...

BAck to MENS syndrome for now lol....

2008-01-16T03:38:00.000+08:00

Study hard!
Exercise more!
Read more bible!

and i wil be a good boy haa

"Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. "=)
What comforting words=)

2008-01-13T17:19:00.000+08:00

King of the OT2 rubbish pile! sunder b and me! Stage and props manager
Ot2 has ended 1 week ago and its just great, admist much confusion and chaos=) more nice photos and friends i have made=) Back to patho mugg=)

Team props !! - girl team lol from L (blanchie, jiahui, kalpana, jan, angela, nadia, laurelle, jinxi)

Dennis- our dancing king and paramedic slacking on ot2 set
Grace- our dear music writer who has a 100%lock in rate in old lib
Moyin - our brave nurse and stil pretty after the fall

Geri our dancer instructor
Amelia- dancing queen
rachel- make up n costume girl
Vicky- pretty nurse
Hanyang- ppppppaaarrkinnsonnnn
Chris- director and "time of death 4.42pm" dr
The dr who finally got his lines
Liyana- pretty jaded dr

MC lam- the adorable cushing who now has a fan club
Leonard- patient and vjc canoeist!
Sheila- student and newly pronounced camera whore number 2!
Chris our forget ful alzehimer
the patients - theresa, joella,
ouyang - the director cum evil prof
Priyanka- our "yes can i help you" bureaucrat
Kalpana!- props, ticket, marketing, treasurer and many more !
joel - our spot light man who had the "what did the chicken buy at the butcher" joke
Gary - pianist who is always surrounded by babes
Ben ! - our dear joe average and da man!
Yiliang - the uber patient
Fara- florence nightingale who can sing!
Amanda - our favorite pretty aunti queen nurse!!

Siying- one of our dance ic and students
Bang our paramedic and researcher,, jade the smart and pretty marie curie
Pearly and nat our hard working nurses
Zhou hao- our "dun make me laugh, later i fall asleep" sounds man
Jun wen - the lights man who lve to irritate me lol
Raj- props man turned "u r so demanding" bureaucrat
Shawn- the cheeky and sometimes gay osler
melvin- my lame cgmate and props man

Wenyang- photographer, props, iceman, publication ic
Zhiyong- the kind prof hippocraties
Muggy- ah ben, student david and uber dancer
Eunice our pretty patient with MS and sing uberly well
Victor the dad and jaded dr, moria the mother and dancer
Ras the bureaucrat 3
Issac the Dr Cofm aka "the king"
Angela!
And of course not forgetting Manchusen, Huizhong, wenbo whom i cant find photo lol

(photos courtesy of wenyang!)

2008-01-12T23:57:00.000+08:00

Restarting!!

Rebooting in 5 4 3 2 1....

2007-08-21T01:53:00.000+08:00

i used to think that sometimes in my life... there are small spaces and corners that i should leave for my self. i always thought that this is what god wanted.. after all he does wan us to plan our life... this things in life.. sometimes this involves our personal relationships. I thought that that little corner in my heart was mine and mine alone. i thought that it just a little space in which i could dwell in and linger and make myself feel good. Little did i realise how much it has eventually consumed me... it tries to hide itself in many forms, behind many emotions but oneday it could no longer hold its doors... u get overwhelmed by it. And even though u realise that this is in fact not what God has meant for you, u still dont wan to let go... u think mayb its just a little mistake... u begin to try to hide it in your own lies to yourself... u convince yourself mayb its still right...
Sometimes i feel that he has hinted me so many times but i just din see or mayb i just did not want to see it... yet he never did let go... he waited for me to turn to him... he waited for me to understand and tell me in his own unfathomable ways the lesson that he wants me to learn...
he made me realise that there is no other way besides surrendering all to him

Lord, my entire life to you i surrender...
I surrender all, I surrender all...
All to thee my blessed saviour...
So mercifully you have let me,
Seen the foolishness in my own life.
And Spared me the judgement,
That i undeniably deserved,
Just like your salvation,
How true thou art...
With tears in my heart,
before you my spirit lay,
You whispered in your softest comfort..
and touched me with your love
Beyond what words can understand...

2007-08-18T23:52:00.000+08:00

Fire works at marina square is so nice... well not so nice but considering the fact that its being so long since i watched fire works.. its great=)

And i got lost in marina square what the heck haa... i din even know where millennium walk is haa
So many people walking around me... i really feel my head popping out above everyone today haa

count down to the end of my short holiday... sounds a little like army... oh no bookin at 1900!! haa
not that bad=) at least its doing somethings that i like...

Stupid talk to attend on Mon.. grrr.. wat they mean when they say 'due to the overwhelming response' they are holding it again... my word!! cant they just leave us alone and stop disturbing us with people with no medical knowledge at all? Before they sent the minister... now they tink he is too good for us and sends the second in the command... sighz... stupid deans office

Food Food!! i need food.. where is my Macs? i m gg to faint.. well back to my naruto and bourne ultimatum for now haa

2007-08-17T00:05:00.001+08:00

i am back!!

Ortho test tomorrow!! i think its GG!! AHhhhh!!
Sighz and soon its O and G posting. Even more GG.... O n G is how freaking alot of stuuff to study and so important...

got my new comp... great little dell com.=)
Goiing to slowly upgrade it and make it more zeng... nt too many games i hope... since i only play dota and some shooting game to distress=)
Please please keep yur self safe from virus and what not...

New school term started for everyone... for girls my year its end of the study road trip... soon for me too.. sobz... what to do what to do!! ahhh

its time for me to grow up man! i am always like a little kid... shuacks. wth... i love it haa

but guess its time to be more understanding and learn to read peoples minds..

Give me! GIve me !I want I want!! I want a little stethoscope so i can hear whats in your heart!!

2007-06-09T12:52:00.000+08:00

Long time no blog...
Hols are here... actually 1/3 gone and i havnt gone much..
Moved into the tower block for a while now and made a few friends and starting to settle down into my new room..
I need things to do!!! getting really really bored out...
need to spend quality time with the right company i guess=)
Fam med totally screwed up my clinical skills and drained out whatever little bit of medical knowledge i have.. looks like i gotta start mugging all over again..
But problem!! --> cant focus on reading.. muz be stupid me trying to learn speed reading and hence ended up not being to read at all.. screwed up..

just tot of something my frens once mentioned:
"Why do guys call each other 'you bitch' in such a loving manner but you dun here girls calling each other otherwise....".. hmmm

Granado espada.. please work man...

2007-05-06T01:30:00.000+08:00

So many things to post.. so little time haa

1)One thing i learnt from my sunday school teaching about sin.. Qing tuan were talking abt it so it just reminded me to put it down: definition of sin from the thesaurus

Main Entry: sin
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: immorality
Synonyms:
anger, covetousness, crime, damnation, debt, deficiency, demerit, disobedience, envy, error, evil, evil-doing, fault, gluttony, guilt, immorality, , iniquity, lust, misdeed, offense, peccability, peccadillo, peccancy, pride, shortcoming, sinfulness, sloth, tort, transgression, trespass, ungodliness, unrighteousness, veniality, vice, violation, wickedness, wrong, wrongdoing, wrongness, imperfection!!!

haa imperfection , we are all sinners.. cant deny it now.. we all need God to cleanse sin then!! So the bible is right!!

2) Radiology is over.. sucks.. most shadowy place on earth and the place really drive u to sleep... din learn much yet i know its so important.. gosh... must really try to learn more as i go on ba.. family medicine coming up.. another slack posting... mayb i should spent more time now revising ba.. sighz... and of cos building on my relationships gosh...

3) i cut my hair... long hair doesnt suit me la.. short hair more cool!!

4) Took some photos with Wenyang camera haa

5) Sunday school summary tomolo( i mean tis morning) plus reading verse plus ushering... crammed up morning..

6) my secret training starts now haa... aim number 1!! destroy the protectors on the basketball court pillars!!

7) Made my mother's day gift!!

8) finally last thing : to do or not to do............. sighz

2007-04-23T23:28:00.000+08:00

突破的生命

主啊，曾几何时诗歌已不再动听，
诗词也不再动心？我才发现我已与你远离。
我的心，灵，诚实，你去了哪里？
口口声声的说我爱你，
所行的路又为何相反？

黑暗幽谷中我看到了希望，
主的光正在照耀，永不动摇。
神的怜悯与宽恕，我不配，
但他却仍旧永不改变。

主啊，求你赐我有突破的生命
不再被罪恶挟制捆绑，
求你使我被你的灵沐浴，
生命中有你的爱流露。
天天步行光明之中，
永远不动摇。

2007-04-22T04:27:00.000+08:00

What i do at 4 am ... haa

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

2007-04-21T19:56:00.000+08:00

2 weeks of emed has gone and i feel that i still have so much to learn and do...
Lets see
1 female cather,
2 male cather, ABG
3 toilet and suture
ECGs and plugs and bloods countless...
I still feel so insecure, that each plug i set i wont go in... no flash back... and the pt grimace..
So many sleepless nights cos i had to sleep in the morning
yet emed is so fun... most enjoyable posting yet besides surgery...
Liked the ambience and the pace is just good... not too slack that leaves you stoning or too rush to leave you panting...

But i feel that this has been a posting where i left everything and everyone behind... friends, family, dota=(...
Gotta catch up with all of them before i become a lifeless person who will remind so for the rest of my life haa

To all my friends having exams all the best and to those gg to have attachments and postings too... have fun and enjoy what you do=)

2007-04-10T02:32:00.000+08:00

In the middle of the night.. i just had a surge of emotion..
Where would i be without God?
Would i be where i am? would i be who i am?
WOuld i even be alive? I really dun know..
I guess i have faced death quite a few times in my life and if not for God, i wil be overwhelmed with the fear of it.
Death is of no fear to me now because to me it is now no an end but a new beginning.. Knowing that God has already overcome it gives me comfort to know that every step of my life is planned.. even life after death.. How much i wan to share this comfort with those i love and care abt... =) (yes its you.. i wan to share it with u=) )

2007-04-08T00:44:00.000+08:00

Hahaa this is a random paint drawing haa.. its called "life without..."

2007-04-03T11:43:00.000+08:00

<<新的开始>>
那天，夜里，泪水中，
我忽然想起了你。
无奈又翻开了以往的相片，
看着你我以前有多甜蜜。
傻傻的，
望着手机上你的简讯，
就是舍不得把你忘记。
是不能忘记，还是不敢忘记?
我自己也不太清楚.. .

暗暗，窗外，下雨了，
泪和雨的滴答声，
融成了优柔的旋律。
既然已做了决定，
就不要后悔，
何必再伤上加伤，泪上加泪，
为不值得的事去悲伤？

是时候有新的开始，新的希望，
新的梦想将要起航。
这时发现生命依然，
未来依然，爱也依然，
正等待我去拥抱。
雨不觉中也停了，
弯月映影着我心中的微笑。

2007-04-01T19:27:00.000+08:00

Next week's easter... was inspired by the pastor's prayer.. so i wrote this.. "Way to glory"

Way to Glory

On His way to Calvary,
Bearing the ladened cross for our sins,
The women weeping bitterly,
For their Lord, Saviour and King.

Chorus
Way to Glory, Way to Glory,
Our sins, the Lord, His blood has cleansed.
Nailed pierced Saviour, bleeding He said,
"Forgive them Father, they know not what they do."

When the darkest hour came,
The temple curtain was torn in two.
Man and God has reconcilled,
Because of Jesus, sinner's plan.

Chorus
Way to Glory, Way to Glory,
Our sins, the Lord, His blood has cleansed.
Nailed pierced Saviour, bleeding He said,
"Forgive them Father, they know not what they do."

Then, arising from His grave,
Bursting onto Glory, to come again.
Death, our life, reigns no more,
Because of our Jesus, Saviour King.

Chorus
Way to Glory, Way to Glory,
Our sins, the Lord, His blood has cleansed.
Nailed pierced Saviour, bleeding He said,
"Forgive them Father, they know not what they do."

2007-03-28T18:59:00.000+08:00

A black flurry rushed across the floor of the psychiatric ward in nuh and we all tot we were hallucinating...
Then e rascal peeked out its head n headed to the room at the end...
It jumped from room to room trying to get out of e dreaded place...
Finally with a box and a blanket and a hysterical nurse behind us the brave heros wenz and xk caught it and released it into the wilderness of kent ridge wing where it lived to tell the story of how he mistook e psyhiatric ward for the vet's...

2007-03-26T09:10:00.000+08:00

My Rock and my Fortress
Blessed be the Lord, for His steadfast love to me,
Plunged into darkness, a worthless soul He seeks.
Breathed his last breathe for me,
To rise again to be the king that I seek.

My Rock and my Fortress,
Salvation has come forth from thee.
A sinner as I am, You redeemed me.
Into your hands i commit my spirit,
Lord please use me as yur own.
For you who was enthroned over the flood,
Sits enthroned forever more...

Lord, my Comfort and Strengthen, refuge in you i seek,
Unbroken promises in the words that you speak.
You are the rock of refuge for me,
And the strong fortress you will always be.

My Rock and my Fortress,
Salvation has come forth from thee.
A sinner as I am, You redeemed me.
Into your hands i commit my spirit,
Lord please use me as yur own.
For you who was enthroned over the flood,
Sits enthroned forever more...

(Wrote this after reading Psalms 31 and was thinking about the things that has been going on since the beginning of the year....)

2007-03-13T07:55:00.000+08:00

SmIlzE pEoPlE!!

Psych posting is here... some mind reading...

2007-02-16T00:08:00.000+08:00

y do i walk in a circle that i know will led no where? y do i always pick up a stone and let go when i know its gonna hit my feet again? y cant i know where tis circle will end? it wil be al so easy... sighz...

2007-02-11T16:54:00.000+08:00

Maze... bang... another dead end... where is the right route man? am i lost?

Life is just like that, when i am so focused on walking walking walking..., it seems so hard and difficult path... oopps another obstacle to overcome...

but when i think of it and see it from a bird's eye view, with the maker of the maze telling me the exact path... the maze seems so easy and instead of the nooks and crannies, it appears like a straight path.

From tat, i drew comfort to know that because God is the planner of my life... there is always a path that he already has in mind... i just need to trust...

Had there been any problems in life, struggles or what not, i believe that these are to make us into the person that we are to be. When we look at things from a bird eyes view, every little thing that we go through do not occur by chance but is part of the grand plan to mould and build us. It says that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character and character hope... If we do not look at the end point, we can not see the hope that God has given us...

At the end of all these, when we focus on what God has done for us, how he has sent his only son to be born in a manger, to die on the cross, the symbol of suffering and pain, we can understand why we have to be humble and submit to him-- because Jesus had taught us humility when God became Human and the perfect Man died for sinners.

2007-02-06T14:48:00.000+08:00

I love CHP... photos from cofm project

2007-02-04T14:46:00.000+08:00

I realised that i am beginning to lose the passion i had for god since i was in jc. I used to be able to give up races that i could win in jc just because it fell on a sunday. Now i couldnt even leave a bit more time for god... so busy with myself. Is it because of the work load, is it because of environmental changes and a need for survival?

Just hope that i wil be able to willing to let god use me and have a life that is pleasing to him..

2007-01-26T17:37:00.000+08:00

Many things happeng..juz hope i can catch hold of everything and live through each day w god's grace.
Exams coming... 1month time isnt a lot... juzt hope that i can realy sit down and study and not squander away al my time.
sighz...

2006-12-06T17:31:00.000+08:00

1 week to finish:
1) 1 write up
2) 1 ward assessment and clerk at least 3 patients thoroughly
3) 1 clinical test, history taking with the examiner watching you...
4) 3 freaking hours paeds paper with 20 mcq and 8 essays... !@#$!@

!@$!@ why never announce earlier??

2006-12-03T15:51:00.000+08:00

主是我力量我力量，主是患难中力量；
主是我幫助我幫助，主是隨时幫助。
主是避难所我避难所，主是坚固避难所；
主是我力量我力量，惟主是避难所。
大地虽會改变，高山虽會动摇，
大海翻腾大浪颤抖但我们卻不害怕，
喂哦，喂哦，喂哦，喂哦......

2006-12-01T14:11:00.000+08:00

Help my brains dead!! i can think properly... pure stupidity....

2006-11-27T09:37:00.000+08:00

O give Him all your tears and sadness, give him all your years of pain....

2006-11-21T23:22:00.000+08:00

Once again i am in the OT waiting for the op. Getting sick of the day of night call is not fun... poundin headache... blocked nose.. man... but compared to the kid thats going in later... BKA for crushing feet and ankle injury after being run over by a lorry... man.. e relatives were real horrified... imagine that BKA at such a young age... but tats the best solution now... and hpe he will get a better life soon....
Saw melody in the paeds wards too... came in for op to striaghten her spine... her scoliosis must have being wuite bad to warrant an op.. anyway shes taller nower and tats good=) and shes quite happy=)

2006-11-15T15:12:00.000+08:00

SOmethings being happening this few days, making me really being thinking alot of stuff..
Watched a taiwan drama on hospital life... usually i dun care and dun wan to watch dramas but this one really set me thinking.. every detail, no matter is it was the situations in hospital, the patients relationships, doctors life.. it seemed so real to me... even the love life of the doctors touched me so much.. mayb it was bcos this was the kind of life that i was going to face...
actually the drama made me lament.. n i wrote this last night...

为什么要失去才会懂得珍惜?
为什么只有通过死亡，
才能体会生命的宝贵?
死亡，生命
为了生命我已献上了自己，
谁知无法改变的仍然无法改变，
死亡依然在得胜。
生离死别，
生命的空缺唯有神的爱能够填满，
唯有他才能胜过死亡，
且得胜有余，
擦干你最后的泪水。。。。。

to me this had a dual, mayb a triple meaning...
sometimes i really do not know why r things like this and where to God come in in the midst of all these... but i am sure He knows better and everything happens because it was meant to happen and it is good.

2006-11-01T07:44:00.000+08:00

Weird dreams...
Satanic Rockers and their fans.. man.. spooky..

2006-10-26T16:58:00.000+08:00

HEY HEY! Paeds is damn fun haha now i think i am regressing to a kid too...
ALl the babies and the toys... all of a sudden i realise that i understand the googaga language of babies and even how to communicate with them... haha... Now i at least made frens with 3-4 kids haha... The learning is good too cos its likely partly a rev of the adult stuff and all the fun and laughter and all the profs doing stupid faces to babies in tutorials made lessons even more interesting...

Being driving for about 3 weeks liao... and my triangle is going off soon.. haha.. drivings fun and really distressing=)

2006-10-21T09:42:00.000+08:00

I seriously think i need to get a life or get ALIVE!!
haha slack so much that i think i am undergoing devolution..
Gg to start training soon... for what i dunno.. mayb just to be a bit more healthy..
Getting sick too easily... sighz...
Imagination is a wonderful thing but when it gets overlapped with reality, things can get screwed up... imagine a matrix world in reality... you wouldnt know what is true... You will be blinded to everything that is around you.. your thoughts will be like a fog covering your eyes but you still have to move on....
Get on with it man! Wake up! haha... its reality is knocking at your door !!

2006-10-20T08:04:00.000+08:00

Hols ending and i havnt done much... sighz... haha
Next posting Paeds!! Oh God.. heard its very tough but i like kids... heyhey=)
Played a few good dota games this week... not too noob haha... high affinity to the deer!!
Thanks guys for all the times we had!
Hope we can get together more but at the same time not do not well for the CAs haha
And to my frens who din make it for their posting tests.. its okay.. its all about luck and what kind of screwed up tester you get... haha trust me i know... haha... anyway... just see it as a chance to practice more and extra training... anyway its FREE!! =)

2006-10-13T07:47:00.000+08:00

2006-10-12T16:41:00.000+08:00

Surgery posting is over! Thou my tester not very the kind, but thank god i passed, had to read FBCs, u/es, LFTs, MRCPs, Ultrasounds.... nearly died of brain exhaustion. guess nothing is out of syllabus when you are dealing with someones life. Going to give some mini t-shirts to our tutors and i had the honour of designing some. Quite lame la and hope that can take the joke... haha
Tutorial at lan shop tomorrow. Going sams house tomorrow too, hope that we 'll have a great time and have the time to catch up. 1 week break coming up, alot of stuf to do. Pharmaco i have to buck up... considering the number of lec i missed or fell asleep in. Plus still got cofm proj to do. what a break.. break my back lor...

2006-10-02T07:41:00.000+08:00

A focused life allows me to balance even in the midst of trouble, falling but always able to get back to the original point=)
1)I must know where my focus is
2)I must be able to shift my "weight" towards that focus

Just like e "balancing eagle"=)

2006-09-30T13:33:00.000+08:00

My dear cousin in england! He was so cute and chubby when i last saw him=) now he is all grown up in high school=) So handsome now=)

2006-09-29T00:42:00.000+08:00

i am 21! thank you al who celbrated and wished me well!=)

2006-09-25T19:59:00.000+08:00

And oh yes... last but not least... growing old soon=)

2006-09-25T19:38:00.000+08:00

So much to blog today.. got this from a website regarding a sharing on All I once held dear!

All I once held dear, built my life upon
All this world reveres and wars to own
All I once thought gain
I have counted loss, spent and worthless now compared to this.

Knowing you, Jesus, Knowing you
There is no greater thing.
You are my all, You are my best,
You are my joy, my righteousness,
And I love you Lord.

Now my heart's desire is to know You more,
To be found in You and known as Yours,
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness.

经过这几个星期的执着和挣扎，我更加明白了顺从与屈服的必要。我常常希望能够在自己的生命里为自己掌舵，就像当初不认识主宰我命运的人时的那种天真和无知的样子，那种骄傲让我牢牢地抓住我的未来不愿交付任何人。于是，我挣扎；于是，我反抗；于是，我彷徨；于是，我怀疑；于是，我不知所措；于是，我跌到低谷。
我曾经珍视的东西，我曾经把生命建立在上面的东西，我依赖以久的价值观，我依靠以久的师长朋友，一个一个的在我面前瓦解。终于，我看到自己的心是那么的无助、孤单，没有人有能力填补，也没有事情能够满足……
昨天晚上，我作了一个梦。梦见自己在大海中，四周都看不到岸，风浪很大，很大。友情，亲情，爱情，学业，工作，聪明，才能，钱财都是周围漂浮的小船，有的看起来很坚固，有的看起来则不堪一击。我努力地游，游向友情的船，可是不久它就被风浪击沉了；我又游向亲情的船，不久，它也被风浪击沉了；我再游向爱情，学业，工作，聪明，能力，钱财，权力……最终，他们也都一一地被风浪击沉了。
终于，我精疲力尽。但心里还是不懂那些曾经自以为坚固无比的东西为什么原来都是那么不堪一击呢？
突然，天，打开了，终于等到有了一双大手向我伸过来，说: Don't be afraid, I am your God and I will lift you up with my victorious hands!
接着，他把我带到高处。于是，我看到大海翻腾、看到波涛汹涌。然而，这个世界的根基还在摇晃的，又何况是这世上的一些小事呢，依靠它们又有什么益处呢？
我总是以为只要自己努力，就最终可以赢得一切。其实不然，那些曾有过受人恩惠滋味的人，都会知道有些东西是凭我自己永远也赚不来的、却也是我最最需要的。
于是，那些我曾经以为弥足珍贵的东西，我都开始慢慢地看到它们那摇晃的根基和不可靠的一面。那一切也曾经都是那么的有滋有味，并且让我津津乐道。但现在，他们给我的一切却都早已黯然失色。
世界的东西很好，但是如果我单单寻求的只是这些东西。那么最终，我必将错过原本留给命运预备留给我最好的福分。所以，决定放弃所有good substitues, 以去寻求那最好的福分和最宽广的道路。

2006-09-25T18:51:00.000+08:00

Relationships really take time and effort to protect and build.
When i first realised that relationship with God and christians was what christianity was all about, i had tot that there was a change in the focus of the bible because it seems that previously, the bible focus alot on laws and laws and laws and not about relationshp.
AS i tot more, i realised that of all the 10 laws in the bible, each and everyone was regarding relationships, the fiorst 4 w God and e last 6 with man. Its really amazing.. God never changes even though i may think he did. Relationship w HIm is as important now as it was before!

Like any relationship, it takes 2 ppl to make it work. E love of marriage needs both husband and wife to sacrifice for each other to work. God has already sacrificed for me, am i ready to do so for him?

Usually in a BGR, there is always a initaiting party. I am hum so it usually isnt me who iniatiates. God knows that too and also know that we aint smart enough to find him. It is a question of who is lost. A pen who is lost cant find its owner. The lost one cant find the one that is not lost, it is always the one who is not lost that can find the lost. Whos lost? the pen or the owner? Likewise, God is not lost so it mus be me! Hence, God has initiated to build this relationship with me so why not?

Lastly, any relationship must be built on love and trust. God is love! Hence a relationship must be built upon him, how special this relationship would b if we are having a relationship of love w love Himself!

Haha just some random ramblings.....

2006-09-25T07:03:00.000+08:00

O the bitter shame and sorrow

O the bitter shame and sorrow,
That a time could ever be,
When I let the Savior’s pity
Plead in vain, and proudly answered,
“All of self, and none of Thee!”

Yet He found me; I beheld Him
Bleeding on th’accursèd tree,
Heard Him pray, “Forgive them, Father!”
And my wistful heart said faintly,
“Some of self, and some of Thee!”

Day by day His tender mercy,
Healing, helping, full and free,
Sweet and strong, and ah! so patient,
Brought me lower, while I whispered,
“Less of self, and more of Thee!”

Higher than the highest heavens,
Deeper than the deepest sea,
Lord, Thy love at last hath conquered:
Grant me now my supplication,
“None of self, and all of Thee!”

2006-09-18T22:48:00.000+08:00

started on PDL today...
Day 1 and 2: its interesting to know that i am not where i am by accident... med school, singapore, my family.. my friends... everything just seems so coinicidental and in e rite places. although many times life seems to be as screwed up as can be but when i think of it, there was always a way for me to pull through. For me i guess knowing god is more then just a knowledge butmore of a relationship. Its also not that after knowing Him, life will become a bed of roses... in fact many times, things gets worse.. but its always e joy that comes in the midst of trouble that really make things special for me...

2006-09-11T14:05:00.000+08:00

Looking unto Jesus

Looking unto Jesus, Crucified,
He, on the cross for me who died,
To find in His shed blood,
Our ransom, our pardon and peace.

Looking unto Jesus, Risened,
Whose righteousness makes us so,
Though unworthy as we are,
To Him in His name we're drawn.

Looking unto Jesus, Glorified,
He who gave repentance,
And forgave my sins.
I will always love thee,
As you have loved me so.

( )
Lord I say I love You,
But my actions says I don't
Lord I say I have faith,
But faith without works is dead.

Be it a time of suffering,
Though chaos seems to reign.
I pray I will rejoice
In hope and peace you bring.

Be it a festive season,
There're rainbows after the storm,
I pray that that I will giove thanks,
Worshipping you in ardent praise.

May I show them my faith,
By my works, my love and my life.
May I love those around me,
For I once was, still is and always be loved,
By You who taught me how...

2006-09-05T01:25:00.000+08:00

Watched president star charity LIVE. Not really excited about it cos i never like crowd even though i had the chance to have cocktail with all the stars and idols. But it was a new experience for me and i think its high time i start trying out new things and not getting cramped up into my little stinky hole.

Doiing night call now, just saw a open cholecystectomy.. was so shacked half way that i had to go out for ten min to take a nap... felt the whole spinning just now... haha.. hope to get a few more good cases before i conk out... man what a way to start a week=)

2006-08-30T10:08:00.000+08:00

i have forgotten!!=) out of mind, out of sight=)

2006-08-28T09:03:00.000+08:00

Trying to forget, its not easy man...

2006-08-28T08:41:00.000+08:00

我主与我同行我跟随主脚踪

我主为我争战我站在磐石上

我主是我盼望我站在高山上

我主与我我主与我
我主与我同在
我们赞美主哈利路亚
我们称颂耶和华
我们赞美主哈利路亚
我们称颂耶和华

2006-08-24T20:35:00.000+08:00

University dedication service just ended and i was really inspired by the speaker to live my life for God and be a good example to those around me. I feel that many times, i am leading a real crappy lifestyle and is no good example and mayb just be tripping stones for others. hence, i hope that from now on, the song will really be my prayer:

I Offer My Life

All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you O Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaim
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours

Chorus:
Lord I offer my life to You
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life

Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to You.

2006-08-24T18:18:00.000+08:00

Surgery posting started, besides the gruelling journey to ttsh and having to stand the whole day for the ops, i am still loving surg. Thanks my cgmate for the daily ride home.
Gg to put in more effort for the surg posting, after al, i have being slacking in med so i dun burn out for surg. But its really draining some times and i could just feel my temper flare up.. but thanks to my two other small group members, they have been the most kind=) although they are v blurr sometimes just like me...
Saw 3 surg so far, 2 anterior reseection with ileostomy, 2 stones removal by the Percutaneous nephrolithiasis method and the intraureteroscopic laser method. havnt done any procedures myself, but today had my virgin PR done=) tomorrow will b night call=) time for hands on!
Passed one tuition kid to my fren, travel distance too far for me and waste too much time.. so less money but more time for family, frens and myself=) worth it lar..=)

2006-08-18T07:59:00.000+08:00

I think i have obsessive-compulsive disorder!!! aARRRR!!!=)

2006-08-16T08:38:00.000+08:00

当我站在人生的交叉路口上，

当我无法知悉自己的未来。

求你作我一生的引领

告诉我当走的每一步，

光照我脚前的道路。

2006-08-15T08:15:00.000+08:00

My first clinical exams ended yesterday, after several episodes of palpitation and displacements of my guts, thank God i din fumble much and was quite smooth. Really hope that i will get al my skills rite now so i will be a help to patients and not a idiotic doc next time. haha.
Anyway, more time for the mcqs=) and more time for frens=)

2006-08-14T08:11:00.000+08:00

AS much as i feel really tired about inviting anyone to come for church events, i have to extend out an invitation once again for the evangelistic talk this fri and sat on the "Meaning of life" by some previous government official in china, so here it is...

赵莉福音布道会

"人生的意义"

日期：2006年8月18－19日
时间：晚上7时30分
地点：圣殿, level 1 Queenstown Chinese methodist church at commonwealth MRT.

赵莉传道：东北师大教育系硕士毕业。在国内曾为人大代表、优秀党员。作为访问学者赴美国进修后于93年蒙恩得救。

我的盘石，我的高台 (xk)

我的神，我的心要称颂你，
感谢你向我施行的拯救。
帮助我脱离罪恶的束缚，
从此有了神儿女的名分。

耶和华，你是我的盘石，
我的拯救，你是我的高台。
我的盼望是从他那而来，
拯救，荣耀都在乎全能神。

耶和华，求你听我的呼求，
侧耳倾听我恳切的祷告。
求领我到那更高的盘石，
我要永远在你的帐幕里。

耶和华，你是我的盘石，
我的拯救，你是我的高台。
我的盼望是从他那而来，
拯救，荣耀都在乎全能神。

Wrote this yesterda after reading psalms 61

"1Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.
2 From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
3 For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.
4 I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings.
5 For thou, O God, hast heard my vows: thou hast given me the heritage of those that fear thy name.
6 Thou wilt prolong the king's life: and his years as many generations.
7 He shall abide before God for ever: O prepare mercy and truth, which may preserve him.
8 So will I sing praise unto thy name for ever, that I may daily perform my vows."

The concert was not as good as i expected, nearly gave me a shock of my life, guess i am not used to loud music, i had thoughtit would be a quite and peaceful session. The short sermon also did not mention sin, it may give people e impression that being a christian is all about good things and had nothing to do about dealing with our our sins. Howeverm i just hope that it had touched the heart of whoever was there.

2006-08-09T16:42:00.000+08:00

<<爱在呼唤>>

神就是爱
如此简单却又深奥
你还未识，
他已为你预备了永生的道

他的爱已超越了一切，
恒久忍耐，永不止息。
他赐爱子，钉死，复活，单为罪人
崩山碎石他不在其中
惟用微声轻轻呼唤，
呼唤你我背弃的心。

回转吧，朋友！
听，他的声音多像牧人呼叫迷羊。
归回吧，朋友！
看，他正在等待你让他引你一生。

2006-08-07T08:19:00.000+08:00

Starting another hectic week, exams are coming but i still have a lot of doubt of making a proper exam haha. Just want to be more confident so that i can impress the examiner, anyway, its all about impressions these days isnt it? hopefully i will really be a better doctor when i start working. Its really nice talking to all the patients, esp at night when they are not so stressed up. Nice to learn their story and also good to show that someone cares. I guess each and every small thing, n concern i show to them wil make their hospital stay much better.

NUS starting school today... heck, i started like 3 months ago=)

Church concert this sat, hope those i invited can come=) Actually this is my first time gg for the zan4mei3zi1quan2 concert, but listening to the cds, its really good. Not to loud like the Hill songs but not so solemn, haha worshipping should never be too solemn, otherwise where is the joy of worshipping God? It should not be too loud too or it will be come paralysing your senses to the music and soaking in all the excitement and forgetting the purpose of worship=)

Beautiful song, so much meaning=)

So You Would Come

Before the world began, you were on his mind
And every tear you've cried is precious in his eyes
Because of His great love, He gave His only Son
And everything was done so you would come

Nothing you can do can make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done Can make Him close the door
Because of His great love, He gave His only Son
And everything was done so you would come

Come to the Father though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives He will take them all
The power of the Word, the power of His Love
And everything was done so you would come

2006-08-01T13:25:00.000+08:00

Wrote a new song=) For my friends=)

Dear friend xk

Dear friend, just want to sing a song for you,
For all the times that we’ve been through.
Thank you for always being there,
Through the laughters that we had.
You never failed to brighten up my day,
Keeping all my doubts and fears away.

[Chorus]
Thank you , dear friend.
For always being there for me,
For being the sunshine in my life.
Chasing all my dreams on high.
Thank you, for all that you have said and done,
Heart felt memories that we’ve found.
I hope that you will always be to me,
And me to you, a real friend forevermore.

So much more time I hope we will have,
Even when the times’ so bad and mad,
We’re being hurled about in the storm.
But it always seems so bright ahead,
When we’re walking down life’s lonely road,
Because you are here with me.

[Chorus]

2006-07-31T08:06:00.000+08:00

Visited a patient yesterday. So sad yet so sweet because the husband and the pt really lived through thick and thin, even in this dying moments of her life. Thank God tat she has recently become a christian and i am sure that this will pull her through the last part of her life=) and her changing life is also changing that og her husband's. How i hope that i am also able to be a good example to others=)

Wrote a song on sat during bible study. No title yet though=)

Lord, all that you have done,
We have seen.
How you have carried us,
Upon eagle's wings.
Us To your throne, you have bring.
Choosing me out of all the nations,
Making me your treasured procession.

I just want to obey you fully,
Keeping to your covenant, so holy.
So we can be for you, a kingdom of priests.
A holy nation with our hearts bowed low,
Singing praises to the Lord on high!

Lord, you've marked the borders,
of my life.
Planning every little detail,
Making it so.
Praising you now for wonders foretold.
Not because I have all that i want,
But because I am not in want.

I just want to obey you fully,
Keeping to your covenant, so holy.
So we can be for you, a kingdom of priests.
A holy nation with our hearts bowed low,
Singing praises to the Lord on high!
A holy nation with our hearts bowed low,
Singing praises to the Lord on high!

2006-07-27T20:22:00.000+08:00

For my friend's friend...

无奈 xk
爱为何如此的无奈?
使我想要证明它的存在?
当你还在懵懂无知时，
它似乎已悄悄的围绕，
在你四周掀起了波澜。
但当你突然醒悟, 动了心，
想要追逐时，却发现它已不再。

无奈。那究竟是瞬间的流星，
无声的划过了黑夜的天空，
或是自己心中的梦幻?
你说爱要天时地立，
但当我有了一切，却没了你，
每一个画面里都似乎缺少了什么。

无奈的存在，是否还值得等待?
将不快乐的存在装入瓶中，
把它扔入大海。
希望有一天它被寻回时，
无奈的等待，已成为了幸福的存在。

2006-07-23T13:56:00.000+08:00

So much happened this n i am so tired. thank god there is a weekend to rest and read=) Night call, x sparrow hawk, tests, dont even haf time for frens and family.. sighz... and still havnt done my Cofm visit, write ups and some more the end of posting exam coming also... but i am thinking better this week haha no more confusion... but like sunder said, a confused mind may still be very pretty too... haha... but likely its just a peaceful one like this:

Thank God for He is the only one that can give me peace because he is the prince of peace=)

Read this passage some time in the beginning of this week and wrote a short reflection=)

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

James 1: 2-8

May God give me the strength in times of trials and despair.
May I have the wisdom to know what I am asking for,
Wisdom to ask for wisdom,
And faith to believe that,
He who fed the sparrows,
And made linens richer than that of Solomon's,
For the Lilies of the Valley,
That are alive in the morning and will be gone at night,
Will provide for me...
May He who has created all,
Paint beautiful paintings in this new page of my life,
And may His love flow out from within me,
Like the spring which emerged from the rock at Horeb,
Plenty and abundant,
Providing for those around me.
May I also know that from this day on,
I live for Him alone.
Let my eyes be fixed on the cross where He had died for me,
And walk the path which He has cleansed with His blood,
And be a pure and pleasing sacrifice to God.

2006-07-17T07:49:00.000+08:00

What r better then dreams?--- when u r living it and u never want it to

end...

My state of mind:

Confused n lost, somebody lighten up my path...

2006-07-16T14:42:00.000+08:00

Wrote this as i reflected on the first two death of patients who passed away the last two days. Besides pondering of the fragilness of life, i also wonder if there are many things that i could have done to make their life better. I realised that many times i did not have the heart for them but little did i realised that as each sec ticks away on the clock, i had lost the chance to bring God into the life of another person. How could i be so selfish, why didnt i care?.... May God really help me to love others as He loved me and to really care about them in action and not only in words...=)

Where were they?

Who will understand when you tell him one day he won't face tomorrow?
Who will ever learn, when you say life is so short and precious?
Will he ever know? What life is worth living for?
Beyond all he can imagine, wonders of this world?
He who has never experienced what love truly is,
Beyond words, beyond human understanding is the power of the cross.

How much sorrow and condemation has he being through all his life.
And as he breathed his last breath,
His soul cries out to God,

"Where were all whom U promised to bring good news?
Where were they when i needed someone to be there?
Heartless they were, watching me die an eternal death,
Selfish were they, they never shared.
Oh how I had longed to be touched and rejuvenated by Your love,
But they werent there,
They were there....."

2006-07-16T14:31:00.000+08:00

赞美之泉
从天父而来的爱和恩典
把我们冰冷的心溶解
让我们献出每个音符
把它化为赞美之泉
让我们张开口，
举起手向永生之主称谢
使赞美之泉流入，
每个人的心间

2006-07-13T21:17:00.000+08:00

云上太阳
无论是住在美丽的高山
或是躺卧在阴暗的山谷
当你抬起头你就会发现
主已为你我而预备

云上太阳它总不改变
虽然小雨洒在脸上
云上太阳它总不改变
啊…… 它不改变

My favorite song=) short yet, sweet, means so much that God never changes, he has preped for us whereever we are=)

2006-07-13T20:23:00.000+08:00

Build me in your way (Colossian chapter 3, during youth fellowship bible study) xk

Build me in your way, lord now I pray,
Now and forevermore.
Like a ship upon the shore,
My faith shall sway no more.

Let my heart grow strong,
So I can hold on.
Since the day i was reborn,
Lead me away from wrong.

Keeping all your words as mine,
Not to be binded by things of this time.
To be knitted together in love,
Never forgetting how much your salvation is worth.
To love you with all my heart,
Till from this world i depart.

Let my heart grow strong,
So I can hold on.
Since the day i was reborn,
Lead me away from wrong.
To love you with all my heart,
Till from this world i depart.

2006-07-11T19:47:00.000+08:00

Yeah! finally got one video on my self up=) trying to get the rest from joseph haha=)
This vid is so old.. Think its one of the sdba races. likely din capsize haha super ma lu. think some of the vids i got capsize haha=)
Chongren was quite fast too...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnq11YvS80k

Think thats the best.

Got one more me with felix in men's open 250m . was quite fast in the beginning but lost out in the end. haha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iO-chXp5-Y

Enough of videos haha... wrote this short song yesterday when i was reflecting on the worship melvin led in the morning. I really felt like crying out and bringing my self before God and let he who created all be my God and hold me close=)

As i come before you now

As i come before you now, once again i bow.
Troubled minds ready tobe renewed.
Many times i had failed my part,
Long forgotten how great thou art.
But you held me close to you,
Hiding me safetly beneath your wings.

Lord you who had created all,
How much short of your glory have I fall?
Yet you are Lord of Love,
You are Love who ruled above.
Giving Jesus Christ your son,
For me he who died.

Lord now, please make me yours again,
Glory to you in all i do,
I hope i will never bring you shame.
As i come before you now,
On my knees, my heart sings you praise.
May you who on the cross was raise,
Be my King, my Lord, my life.

2006-07-10T09:34:00.000+08:00

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails"

"Above all the heart and soul is in the centre of it all."

2006-07-08T17:42:00.000+08:00

It surely dosent feel good to be OWNED repeatedly by the tutor and appear like an idiot infront of patients... geez.. must work harder...=)

2006-07-03T17:38:00.000+08:00

基督，我的生命 Jesus, my life (Colossian 4:1-4)

奇妙的恩典使我脱离了死亡，
我灵不再忧伤。
我当举目望天，
仰望主在宝座上。

基督已是我的生命，
将我藏在你里面，
使我心得受安慰，
永远称颂你。

有了耶稣，在地上我还有何思念?
还有什么所求?
只期望与他同显在荣耀的圣光中，
和他同在至千万年。

2006-06-29T20:24:00.000+08:00

<<等>> xk

每一次的延迟是为了更美的结局?
还是为造成一辈子的遗憾?
时光的逝失，
你的心中早已有了另一个他。
为何只有失去才学会懂得珍惜?
是否你我的心真的曾经心心相印?
或是这只是我的一厢情愿?

终于来到现实的跟前，
不能不承认你在我心中所占的地位。
看着你和他的甜蜜，
我的心默默的在流泪。
若我并非真的曾经爱过，
为何会如此失落?
世界若能倒转，我希望我不曾犹豫。

但如今事与愿违，
我只求彼此能找到真正的幸福，
有情人终成眷属。

爱真的需要勇气，
去学会接受与放手。
爱好比与时间的赛跑，
一旦错过就不再。
唯有懂得珍惜你眼前所爱，
才能不会彼此受伤害。
属于你的终究属你，
永恒的情人乃是上天所赐，
你我有何必强求。。。。

2006-06-26T13:18:00.000+08:00

Started school today =)
New year, new resolutions, new friends.
Lets start a fresh=)
Had many thoughts for the past few days, many mood swings but finally things are settling down and i am beginning to see things with a new view=)

2006-06-15T01:27:00.000+08:00

Went for the talks in church and found that they were real good. its five days spent alone a home, slacking is really something i have been doing day in day out and i think i better stop. enough slacking already. Had chats with some friends tonight, shared some of my thoughts but its really hard to have someone who really understands.

But DANGER.... the later half of the time was spent in a half konked out mode and i hope i never say any wrong things. its really dangerous to chat in the middle of the night when yur whole guard is let down and the mind loses the inate ability to control the center for expressive motor speech area. normally we can suppress some of our thoughts and only say things that we feel are rite but in the middle of the night, we just say whatever we think of. it may be the most truthful us and for us to know the truthful others but it is really dangerous because we do not know what we are saying and if we have hurt anyone in the process.

2006-06-12T13:42:00.001+08:00

Finally grandma's gg to church after so long and shes out of her depression too=) thank god.
But both my grandpa are still stubborn like cows though they saw the changes in my grandmas. mayb woman become christians more easily than guys. (tats why so many sisters in church).
I am a l0ne at home and freaking bored, had being helping a friend with his work and hopefully he will do well this time.
Church camp coming too though i anticipate its coming, i also feel sad becasue when it comes it will mean that hols has ended and its time for year 3 to start. Feeling quite scared these days as i foresee my responsibility as a doctor in the future and that day is drawing nearer and nearer.
Few days ago had such a strange thought. When we see stars, it is not in fact the actual star that is present at this moment but it is how the star was say hundred thousand years ago. hence, the "star" that we see may have already being dead at the moment we see it. therefore, the things that we see really doesnt reflect what is happening.

2006-06-06T10:20:00.000+08:00

Here's my first song=) it was written in a sad moment of my life this year when i felt like every single thing wasn't going according to plan, at least my own. I had felt that God had "disappeared" from my life and was no where to be found. When things were all over, i looked back and realised that God has been leading all the way and everything had happened well in his time =)

<<你怎能说没有上帝>> xk

患难来临，
重担压肩头，
我几乎要丧胆。
绝境中还有曙光吗?
有谁明白我的苦楚?
有谁来成为我的帮助?

Chorus
唯有耶和华，
因为他是黑暗中的晨星。
一切他都知道，
他都明了。
他引领我
他安慰我，
带我经过了死阴的幽谷，
使我得以安息在溪水边。
你怎能说没有上帝?

我所经历的
恩典与奇迹，
人说是偶然
但又为何如此奇妙?
哪又是谁为我开路?
又是谁在前面牵我手?

Here's a English one, written at around the same time, inspired by Habakkuk 3:17-19, to be able to rejoice and learn to trust in God's provision even in the worst time of m life =)

Trust and Joy in the midst of trouble

Though the fig tree does not blossom,
And no fruits upon the vines.
Though the produce of the olive fails,
And in the fields no food prevails.
Flock or herd I have no more, yet,

Chorus
I will rejoice in my Lord,
I will rejoice in my saviour God.
God, my Lord, is my strength, my joy
He makes my feets like that of deers’,
Treading safely upon the heights.

Trust and joy in the midst of trouble
Glad I could take him for his word.
Trust and joy in the midst of trouble
Because of Him I know I’m able.
All I want is to rejoice in Him,

2006-06-06T09:01:00.000+08:00

Had a nice swim last evening=) manage to swim 10 laps non-stop. Seems like my body accustoms itself pretty fast to changes. Maybe that’s why canoeing training had never been very siong for me even though I think I train a lot. Haha. Yesterday was generally spent slacking and learning malay. Never expected so many people to be in school but they were=) relieved me of all my boredom. Haha
Was listening to the CD with songs written by the xiao min and felt that the lyrics of 小敏 was really good. Its really a wonder how a country girl who did not even complete pri school and with no musical background could come up with such beautiful words and tune. Somemore, its just one of more than one thousand songs she has written. The even more miraculous thing was that when music conductors in the top music conservatories in Beijing heard the songs, they thought some master must have come up with them. They were greatly surprised when they found out that the “master” was only such a country girl. However, I guess they are rite in a way=) The true master behind all these songs, as in many other great masterpieces, was God himself who truly touched Xiao min’s heart and allow her to come up with such beautiful words and tunes of worship.

最知心的朋友
词，曲：小敏

主你是我最知心的朋友主
你是我最亲爱的伴侣
我的心在天天追想这你
渴望见到你的面
在我人生的每一个台阶
在我人生的每一个小站
你的手总是在搀拉着我把我带在你身边
告诉我当走的路没有滑向死亡线
你的爱何等长阔高深我心发出惊叹
有了主还要什么我心与主心相连
我已起誓要跟随主永不改变

“耶稣基督昨日，今日，一直到永远，是一样的。”(希伯来书13：8)
主耶稣爱你，接纳你，他愿成为你最知心的朋友。

Indeed I guess Jesus is indeed a good friend who is always there for me, one who never leaves me even though many times I have betrayed him and turned away from him. No matter where I am, what situation I am in, he will always be there holding my hands. Even though there are times when I flung it away like a proud little boy refusing his mother’s help to walk, his arms were always there, ready to catch me when I fall. Oh! What love on earth could be more than that of a mother’s love for her son and what love could be greater in the world than God’s undying love for a sinner like me? =)

Hmm wrote some songs some time ago, mayb should slowly post them. But its all in Chinese… haha … man Chinese typing again=P
No tune though so anyone who want to add tune u r welcome haha…shameless=)

2006-06-05T09:05:00.000+08:00

Footprints in the sand

One night Ihad a dream.
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:
one belonging to me, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
The LORD replied:
"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."...

2006-06-03T20:16:00.000+08:00

一只蝴蝶的成长
是需要许多的勇气，挣扎和奋斗，
才有展开美丽双翅，遨向蓝天的一刻。

生命。。。也是一样，
若没有失败，泪水
心碎的冲击和历练
我们或许无法明白了解

神在我们生命中那美好的旨意是什么。
走过失败才会了解。。。
成功并不能证明我们的
生命拥有什么

流过了泪才会了解。。。
唯有神的喜乐才能使我们的
生命真正丰盛
体会心碎才会了解。。。
我们生命中所追求和
渴慕的是否是真是对

然而走过了这些
渴望有的是一个新的生命
新的开始和新的体会

耶稣---他的宝血
将我们过去的一切
洗得彻底绝对
使我们的生命再次成为完美

你---
或许疑惑的说
你所经过的一切无人能懂
无人能了解
你只能关上心门隐藏你的心
是乎什么都可以表现的不在乎

可是----
当你知道耶稣能够体会你的心情
你----
还能紧闭你那渴望分享
渴望被爱的心吗？无论你的曾经
是什么那并不重要
重要的是你的未来是什么？

耶稣爱你
这是千年不变的道理
耶稣疼你
他要赐给你力量更新
他要以恩典为你的冠冕
他是你的盾牌
他是你的荣耀
又是叫你抬起头来的神

籍着十字架
籍着复活
使人有永生的盼望
从主而来的生命是充满馨香

高声宣扬
尽情欢唱
且让你我一感激的心
充满生活之中
用崭新的信心齐唱着
全新的你！

Whew long time din type chinese but this passage is just too wonderful to miss.

Finally got the topic of the talk from 13th - 17th june in the evenings. I had thought that it would be very boring at first but looking at the topics its sounds quite intriguing.
Day1 - comparing the universe and God mentioned in the chinese historical texts and literature works to that revealed in the bible.
Day 2- discussing the begining of philosopical thoughts in the chinese and hebrew contacts
Day3 - Conscience, morality and a loving God
Day 4: Conscience and sinful nature
Day 5 - Chinese culture in the post modern world and under the effects of globalisation

These are my translation cos the talk is in chinese and canto. These topics are not very religious and easy to understand and intriguing to most people i hope. I wouldnt miss it for anything myself. =)

2006-06-03T10:34:00.000+08:00

Was just looking back at my august and september posts and relived some of my thoughts of love and God. The august one was about the kind of love i want. The september ones was pictures yiqiang took and the verses i chose. they really touched me , haha never knew one could touch yourself=) haha full of nonsense.

2006-06-03T10:15:00.000+08:00

Waaa!! i think its about time i start training up... even my dad is fitter than me liao... what the heck haha... i cant even swim 10 laps non stop now... sheesh haha

Oh and the theme of the talk is out 天地亲情, a discussion between the ru4 jia1 and christianity. man so chim... like that how to invite people to go?? seah lar... some more its in chinese, think it will really take a miracle if any young people wan to go lar... haha but hopefully for those who go, it would be an interesting talk. =P

Holidays are here now. 3 weeks of slacking, trying hard to learn malay and hokkien. Anyone want to help me? but luckily the chinese dialects are real easy to understand, at least for me, dunno why but its relatively easy for me=) suddenly realised i even understand hainanese, the super alien dialect one can ever meet in the hospital.

Having a strange feeling that i will be achieving somethings that i never did before these holiday though i am not sure what it is. It just the kind of feeling that u have when u knew that something is gg to happen and when it happens u say " there.. i knew it was gg to happen (just that i din think it would)" =P just that this time its something good. guess i just have to wait patiently and see what it is=) patience.....

2006-06-01T14:15:00.000+08:00

Csfc is over in one more day, really enjoyed the clinics so far. Guess its the kind of life i want to live =) but may be there is still more things in life that God wants me to do.. maybe to be a missionary doctor? Not very sure now maybe i will get a clearer idea in the future.

Went to the Overseas mission fellowship dinner last sun, Dr Fung shared his experience and life in pakistan. The one thing that strucked me was when he gave the example of a 2 nurse and 1 doc female team who went to china to help. E people there never understood how it was possible for a american, a taiwanese and a japanese to work together. but because of the good example they were and their love for the patients, people in china said they were so "because they are Christians". to me, thats more than whats worth living for--- to be able to live your life and be called a true follower of christ. Learning about love was really one thing that i felt that i should put more effort into, not only loving those who are lovely but those who aren't. after all, God loves everyone even me and i ain't that lovely haha =)

Another thing Dr fung said that struck me was " sometimes many opportunities given by God to serve him are thru hardship and trials". he never had the chance to invite muslims over to his house because as a muslim country, the people in pakistan rarely go to a foreigners house, let alone a christian. he wanted a "breakthrough" and god gave it to him. Someone broke into his house=). it was the unexpected of the unexpected when after this incident, hundreds of people swarmed into his houses and he began his relationship with them. indeed sometimes things happens to us that are unexpected to us but always well planned by God. Whats more was his joy that he had even in suffering, not that he was not sad about his house robbed and his wedding rings lost but because he had the "breakthru" he wanted.

Was thinking of sharing these with my mcf ppl tomorrow, found the verse "I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. You will live in the land I gave your forefathers; you will be my people, and I will be your God."

Hope that i will really have a new life in christ and have my heart of stone changed for a heart for God so that the spring of life flows out from me to touch the life of many others. =)

2006-05-02T09:06:00.000+08:00

long time lag since i last blogged. started my e clinics last week, posted to CGH. Was quite depressed at first but now i am beginning to like it, at least there is always time for the tutors to teach us and also time for us to talk to the patients. Medicine ward is more relaxed but the surgery tutors are always so busy and i find myself a bit lost there, also the patients in the surgical wards also look sicker so i try not to disturb them =)
Went to balai last week end, it was fun and it was also my first medical expedition, really learnt alot from Ben and had the opportunity to put some of what i learnt to use=) hope the rest of my E clinics would be fun and hope that i can make more friends among the doctors, nurses and the patients =)

2006-05-02T08:44:00.001+08:00

long time lag since i last blogged. started my e clinics last week, posted to CGH. Was quite depressed at first but now i am beginning to like it, at least there is always time for the tutors to teach us and also time for us to talk to the patients. Medicine ward is more relaxed but the surgery tutors are always so busy and i find myself a bit lost there, also the patients in the surgical wards also look sicker so i try not to disturb them =)

Went to balai last week end, it was fun and it was also my first medical expedition, really learnt alot from Ben and had the opportunity to put some of what i learnt to use=) hope the rest of my E clinics would be fun and hope that i can make more friends among the doctors, nurses and the patients =)

2006-05-02T08:44:00.000+08:00

long time lag since i last blogged. started my e clinics last week, posted to CGH. Was quite depressed at first but now i am beginning to like it, at least there is always time for the tutors to teach us and also time for us to talk to the patients. Medicine ward is more relaxed but the surgery tutors are always so busy and i find myself a bit lost there, also the patients in the surgical wards also look sicker so i try not to disturb them =)

Went to balai last week end, it was fun and it was also my first medical expedition, really learnt alot from Ben and had the opportunity to put some of what i learnt to use=) hope the rest of my E clinics would be fun and hope that i can make more friends among the doctors, nurses and the patients =)

2006-01-16T08:00:00.000+08:00

A new year is here... new year new resolutions and mayb old ones too =)
CA2 's over too, then CA3 will soon b over and then the exams then it will be the beginning of a new era of my medical life-- entry into the clinics and i am really looking forward to it. =)

beginning my "odessey" to finish the bible this year but not sure if i can make it... haha.. anyway read finish genesis yesterday and was struck by the wisdom and power of God and also the obedience and faith of abraham, issac and joseph...

The verse "God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. 17 God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, 18 to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good." set me into thinking why God had to make one body of light to give off light of its own and the moon to reflect the suns light, wouldnt it be much easier to just have two glowing lights? Then i had a few thoughts why...

1) being christians we are supposed to be light of this world, shining into darkness, the "light" from us are not because we are good or we deserve it but because we are receiving all that we have from God, be it love, trust or righteousness. we are like the moon reflecting the glory of the sun. on our own, we are just a dark dull planet but because of the glory of God we can be a light in the darkness.

2)the moon has round times and dark times. it loses its light when it is can no longer receive light from the sun. this happens because the earth is in between the moon and the sun. its a good reminder for me that when i loose my focus in life, focusing on things of the world instead of God, i can no longer be a source of light for others because i myself is not basking in the richness and light of God. Hence, God should be the focus of my life.

3) We are supposed to be in this world but not of this world. that means though we are born into this world, we must set ourselves apart by our way of life. Its life the moon and the dark side of the earth not facing the sun. though both are born into darkness, but yet, the moon chose to face the sun and set it self apart from the darkness ( and the earth of course =) ). (i mean its really hard to such a thing especially in a world and soceity where people are turning away from moral values and justifying their wrong actions and ways with pretty words and false but seemingly true reasons )

2005-11-26T00:10:00.000+08:00

Went for a run round the school w uncle sam and likman... quite a good experience cos i never ran that route before... the scenery at pgp was excellent, looked like some canyon view. but i guess the rooms aint that nice haha... din see much pretty girls along the way like we had hoped to cos i think most are having their exams... went to the gym after that and did some upper body excercise. Sam realised the power of gym and say he is gg to start sculpturing his body there from now on. haha guess it takes a hands on expereience for someone to know the benefit of a gym session. well sam is getting his shape back. The look on someones face was comical when he saw sam sprinting down the slope after our run. I just can't wait for his look when sam gets his six abs and pecs in.. mayb 3-4 weeks? haha

Went for vcf for the first time in like 3 weeks and decided to invites some people down but they were all not free.. haha... guess i just have to take things slowly... Melvin's sharing was great and reminded me to love and care for EVERYONE around me. So often, i only love those people that i thought i could love. Whats more, i think i have only trying to spread the gospel to those people i love.. thats pretty sad when i am suppose to do so towards everyone... haha

2005-11-22T12:00:00.000+08:00

Optimistic: CA has ended !! yeah!!
Pessimistic: 7 weeks to the next CA .. ar... haha

CA 1 is done, hardest i ever mugged all my life... haha hopefully i can mug on for my next test...
Had a wonderful party at uncle sams place, great host, delicous food and wonderful company it was great. Though it was meant for their og mainly but i just went and extra a bit. Sam kept asking me abt my ulterior motive haha... nar... don't think its a good time to start, don't think its good to start again.

Home renovation: 1st floor of the house gg to b renovated soon... had to move all the boxes and pack the cups... gosh.. i suddenly realised that we had so much glass ware that i could have a formal dinner for 50 people and there are still extras... man... where did all those things come from? haha... found some of my childhood stuff in the cupboards to... haha.. reminscence of a long forgotten time...

Sun: went for elderly day for my church and was the first aider.. the old people were all damn cute and are all like small kids.. haha... there was this 71 yr old man who looked only 60 and he told me he was a body builder and was 3rd in a malaysia and singapore competition... he taught me alot of body building and at 71 his arm was still rock hard and huge!! He taught me how to grow bigger muscles and told me that i would look much better with more muscular arms... haha... guess he is right haha... what an inspiration...

Anyway thanks to all who spend the previous few weeks mugging with me, giving me inspiration and thoughts. Many thanks to all those who showed love and concern for me and encouraged me on in times when i was down... Thanks and God bless...

VCF time... haha

2005-10-31T07:45:00.000+08:00

Lost BUT found:
Friendships
My heart to serve
My mood to study
My will to win
My fun loving character
My cranky, cold jokes
Myself....=)

2005-10-24T21:06:00.000+08:00

haha i am officially 81 kg now from a previous weight of 78...
still mugging... =0

2005-10-20T11:00:00.000+08:00

one week to CA but i just can't wait to blog this down....
The funniest thing happened yesterday...
Sunday mum bought six crabs to cook... she came back from ntuc and left the crabs in a pail to left the crabs swim about. But suddenly she realised that there were 5 crabs... bcos the time between the time before she put the crabs into the pail was really short (she left the bags on the floor for awhile), she concluded that the crab must have escaped in the taxi trunk.. so we let the matter rest... THEN, yesterday she complained of a foul stench of dead corpse from the balcony.. she told me to check it out but i found nothing... In the end, after searching under the sofa and everywhere else, i found a DEAD CRAB under the fan in one corner of the living room... man... it stank... the crab damn dumb lor... why must it die in one corner and make my house stink when it could die peacefully in my stomach... arr.. irritating...
Just remind me of the time my white mouse ran out and i just couldnt find it and at last when i found it behind the huge fixed tv cupboard, i just couldnt coax it out or poke it out any where... in the end, i had to blast it out with a party popper and it started running out from the other end... finally i caught it with a net after chasing it around the wall of the room and getting bitten by the stupid mouse...
Think my home has this tendency to cause animals to run wild... BORN TO BE FREE!! haha

2005-10-15T10:34:00.000+08:00

ITs easy to say that you are wasting your time doing something if you really know its a waste of time... but sometimes.. its just so hard to know whether is it a waste of time going after things in life or is it really worthwhile and meaningful to do it...
Many death and near death experiences around me... and i can feel that the world is changing much quickly than it used to.. mayb time is really coming for the prohepsy stated in revelation to come true...

--mugging--

2005-10-09T15:00:00.000+08:00

Some crazy pictures of me courtesy of wenyang haha...

Lesson on brachiocephalic vein!!

Walau wenyang don't pai lar..

Wa damn hot lar... faster lei...

Hiaz... sigh...

And finally, the 2 best photos that could make wenyang a pro!!

2005-10-08T23:25:00.000+08:00

much has happened since i last blogged...
bball: we really put up a good fight... winning SDE by 2 pts n losing biz ad by 2 points also having chased back in the last quarter from 16 points lag... tat was some power man...
Had a experience of the medsoc conversations they hold in the med soc room... really alot of people getting attached... all the best to them...
AS for me, whats the rush, i waited enough for people... its time to let others wait... anyway i believe in soul mates and a love that last beyond a life time... so i'll take things slowly having learnt my lessons... love will find a way..=)
Feeling very VERY violent these days... muz b the bballing... hope i dun revert back to the sch days when i was damn bloody fierce n mad during training... luckily not many ppl in medicine has since it... and hopefully none will and no one will stand in the path when that happens...
Getting slow in the thinking process these days... must have being all the slacking...
Learnt 2 new songs on the guitar! AS the deer and Seek thee first.... yeah... not bad at all for a person who is musically untalented and tone deaf... haha all the self compliments....
Giving a sharing session w the kids later... hope it will be good...
Driving test in 2 weeks and i am still struggling.,.. exams in 2 weeks time too... stressed....
Anyway gg to have a nice dinner next week w the MDCF ppl n my parents are gg too... Dr tan invited them...
Running low on cash.. ar... all the driving lesson and equipments... looks like i got to rob a bank or somethings in this case... haha
I also have this theory that i am disappearing from the surface of the earth... symptom 1: forgetting peoples name 2: people beginning to forget mine 3: staying away from the crowd 4: getting paranoid.... soon people will forget i exist... ar... help... !!!
Mayb its just that i am getting schizoprenic... haha

2005-09-30T11:00:00.000+08:00

1) BBall lost against engin but i got 4 points in one quarter haha..
2) I am 20 now!!
3) Things are sorted out for now n i realised that wat is not yurs is not yurs n i have given up! No regrets!=)
4) I stil feel very violent nowadays so ppl dun come any piss me off
5) Alot of things to study.. ar
6) Stressed...

2005-09-28T11:09:00.000+08:00

This is from swiss... on the plaque was pslams
150:6 : "Let everything that breathes praise the LORD! Praise the LORD! "

The swiss mountains are beautiful and so are the flowers, this just remind me of Luke 12, about how even King Solomon, the wisest and richest king could not be more glorious than a flower..."Consider the lilies, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these."

"But if God so clothes the grass which is alive in the field today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O men of little faith!"

Looking at this lonely flower surviving in the swiss cold, i feel that it is really so true... and strange.. if the flower is to grow out like this and be gone the next day, why did God give it such a lonely coat, if God has cared for this flower, does HE know our needs? Am i asking too much and complaining that I did not receive his blessings when His time has not come for things to be done?

2005-09-25T09:15:00.000+08:00

Haha this is lame... xperimental intelligient android optimized for killing n exploration...

BUT i can still very confused about things and so distracted that i cant mug properly... sighz... anyone with the same feeling?

FMS hand ball n netball just ended... We won both though i was only to be a wall to block off people... i think i have not much ball sense lar... JIng xiang rocks to day but is too drama... think he was inspired by someone playing netball haha... chwa and lenith scored pretty well but chwa was very rowdy n vulgar... i don't like vulgarities in games... no sportsmanship at all... The game was also very violent n we had players like zhong kai who seemed like he want to fight everyone on court... Although i can be pretty violent too but i think no one has really seen me being violent before n tot of me as Mr Nice guy.. haha...
The girls were very good for netball too and they really trained very hard so i think they deserved to win the game =)

Coming back to my confusion, i am still wondering whether a christian should find a non-christian gf/bf... its really easy to come up with many theories and say this and that but ultimately... its still so confusing because it all goes down to how much you like the person which is also something you cant measure... Sometimes i just feel that because of my pondering, i have let many chances slip by but yet i m sure that i can not marry a non-christian.. so confuseing lar... All i have being doing now is trying to get them to b christians first. a tactic that never turn out well... because they all get scared away... sighz... me n my screwed up life... why mus this sort of things keep happening like a dejavu? =(

Suppose to teach the teens tomorrow abt Paul's first journey in his mission trips... but having such a screwed up life, i just wonder how i can use my life to teach them n not merely using words. but i guess teaching SS has really helped me alot n i think through my process of teaching, i actually learn more stuff n was also able to be more disciplined and see God working on me... guess sometimes i just have to sit down n wait patiently...

Got this from sunders blog which is also a quote hanging in my house,
"May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
It has really led me through a lot and i think i will also add my own tots,
"May God grant me patience to wait for things to happen in God's time, vigor to act when time comes for it when God is giving me a choice and wisdom to know when to wait and when to act..."

2005-09-24T21:30:00.000+08:00

AND.. i think to summarize a bit of "my self make over " project, i have come to the conclusion that my puberty comes 2 years later then others, considering the fact that i had my growth spurt in sec3 n just began to put on bulk... even though i had been training like mad for the past 4 years...
1) Chest is finally forming... last time i was flat... fibres are more obvious and i even have a few veins on the chest...
2) six pec is out but they look weird... the remaining 4 pec damn hard to force out... only veins pop out at the inguinal region...
3) Bicep still as smal but tricep grown a little,
4)Legs still very skinny but i can jump higher now... but still cant dunk
5)Complexion is clearing up too... but there are still scarring... sighz... cant get back my flawless complexion in sec sch.. but guess i just have to make the best of what i have...
6) Trying hard to strighten out my back by not slouching...

AND!!! this project of mine is not because i am vain or want to attract girls as many would think but just that i feel that i am not taking care of all the good things God has given me and i am just trying to fulfill my own responsiblity of taking care of my own body n my life... =)

2005-09-19T23:12:00.000+08:00

Canoeist gathering was great n we had many laughters of all the stupid things that we did and said. Daming's mum was very hospitable n fed fifteen hungry ghosts with lots of jiao zi that came and go in less than one min... Joseph went too and is still the same... haha same old joesph.. oops did i say old... haha.. Jono is attached n seems like the only canoeist that is.. haha... sauna and jacuzzi before diner was very relaxing too but i mostly enjoyed the talks we had at the pool... Went home with kelvin wai on 154 n had a long crappy chat... anyway he is the only one that has changed a little and now carries himself more gentlemanly... way to go yy.. had some guy talk too haha..

Watched a chinese MAF show on tv and my are the chinese performers chio... they are not cute or pretty lor.. they were ELEGANT and i like elegance!!! hah why did i come out from china in the first place... hai yar.. should have stayed there.. haha.. but i guess there is a purpose for me being who i am and where i am ... haha =)

The heritage run was okay, took me about 52 min to finish the 10km... considering its the farthest i ever RAN in my life, its quite an accomplishment... Was abvle to chase from the back to the first few, was quite proud about it at first but then when i saw an uncle beside me at the end, i was very sian diao... imagine a old man running faster than you.. then joined the Dr wheelchairing around the field for a round round the field. It ran very heavily in the morning and i was so happy i dragged myself out of my bed in the end after a long struggle with the attraction of my bed...

Then Ben gave the teens a talk on BGR.. it was very enriching for me too though i only caught the last part on "agape", i guess if i wasnt ready for agape love, i was ready for love at all... eros love is selfish and self centred and i missed out that part on the philia love... haha

Called grandma n grandpa n they sound quite happy but its been years since i last seen her... mayb i should go visit them this december... they are getting old and i still not sure if they have truly believed in Jesus yet... who knows if i can ever have the chance in the future.. its so true that in our life time on earth, there are so many things that we should have done or could have done and i like to do them... because when i look back upon my life.. i want to see that i have lived my life with no regrets!

2005-09-19T15:38:00.000+08:00

More photos from Canoeist gathering...

The K team warriors.. all trying to put up a freaky face but i was too slow.. haha.. in the end szhirong laugh until pheng.. haha

Four duded trying to look cool w their canoeing singlets but in the end the photos turned out to be shots of us using the man's urinal...

*ThereNback-Noregrets*

ThereNback-Noregrets